Ada seorang manusia dalam perut ini.

Here's Kiddo at 14 weeks.

Memang mengujakan bila melihat Kiddo dah ada ciri-ciri fizikal yang jelas. Tulang belakang, kepala, otak, tangan, kaki. WOW. Dan denyutan jantung yang sungguh kuat dan jelas (macam Sang Bapak - yang saya suka dengar sebelum tidur).

Ada seorang manusia dalam perut ini.

Manusia. hihi. oh. Comel dan menakutkan dalam satu ayat.

Scan kiri kanan atas bawah. Bila scan dari depan, sambil merengkot tu Kiddo sempat wave hello then usik-usik muka. Oh, magis!!! Tgk macam kesian sebab rumah dia kecik je. Mungkin budak ini besar ikut Sang Bapak, tapi terpaksa membesar dalam perut Omak yang pendek dan kecik ini.

Jate ko tino? Aaa itu belum tahu lagi. Saya rasa sebenarnya doktor House itu sudah ada firasat, tapi ikut stail dia lah..selagi tak nampak jelas selagi itu tak buat spekulasi. Kalau nak ikutkan tak best juga kan, takde spekulasi. Itu la yang membuatkan bakal-bakal ibu macam saya teruja, hyped. Hakikatnya kami bersyukur tak kisah lah anak lelaki ke perempuan, asalkan sihat dan sempurna sifat. Tapi ye la kan, saja nak seronok2. Ada kawan-kawan kata tgk macam girl sebab saya dah gemuk (sangat!!), yang lain kata macam boy sebab perut lonjong lah, lagi (yang kureng asam sikit) ada satu pakciken kat opis kata girl sebab muka saya tak berseri. Huh! Agak bengang ketika itu tetapi ibu cool seperti saya memang takkan tunjuk depan-depan la kan. Cuma terrrr menangis dalam toilet. Hhaha emosi jugak masa tu.

Mungkin Kiddo sedang training nak jadi shuffler atau sedang buat breakdance. Doc House itu kata dia sedang buat head stand. Atau sedang training nanti nak berlaga kepala dengan Sang Bapak? Adoiyai pening membayangkan keadaan itu. Omak kena la jadi referee.

One of the takeaway yang penting selepas jumpa Doc House tempohari ialah: Nature & Nurture. Sebab saya tanya Doc, apa vitamin atau suplemen mengandung yang dia nak bagi saya, dia buat muka. Saya cakap la kawan-kawan pregnant yang lain semua dapat Obimin lah, Neurogain lah..saya tak dapat ke?

Dia angkat kening dan kata, "they make money feeding on your anxiety".

Ohhhhh Sang Bapak pun suka la. Gelak pulak. Dia kan suka orang yang straightforward dan pandai2 ni. Siap kata mak bapak, datuk nenek kita dulu makan pelam je, pandai pun kita ni kan? Macam dah geng pulak dorang.

Bukan apa, ye la sebagai ibu kita nak la bagi yang terbaik kan. Apa orang kata, headstart. Semua nak anak pandai. 20 tahun lagi kalau setakat satu degree, jadi tukang paip je. Dulu ex-presiden petronas dah pernah kata, nak jadi technician/clerk petronas pun kena ada sekurang-kurangnya satu degree. SPM mungkin dah tak wujud dah kot. Budak-budak terus periksa utk dapatkan diploma. isk.

Lepas tu Doc kata, yang penting dengan anak-anak ni, ialah Nature dan Nurture. Kalau you cakap dengan dia macam monyet, jadilah dia monyet..blablabla..memang kena jaga pemakanan but dont overdo it..blablabla..focus on the development and environment..blablabla..

Which strikes some sense. Kalau nature/surroundings tak membina, walau bagus macam mana pun otak anak tu, takkan berkembang. Kalau cara nurture salah, memang jadi penjahat/ pemalas. Belum masuk pengaruh rakan sebaya lagi, internet, uish takut memikirkan cabaran anak-anak kita in the future.

So in the end Doc bagi multivitamin yang memang untuk orang mengandung. Not Obimin though, but Pramilet. Bila tanya kat Encik Google rupanya lebih kurang je Obimin dan Pramilet. Some forums say dia mahal sikit dari Obimin. Bila tanya Encik Google lagi, saya jumpa perbandingan vitamin ini.

Ok lah. Mak saya kata ikut je cakap doktor. Pada saya, ya, ikut cakap doktor, tapi kita kena cari informasi jugak kat tempat lain. Pastu check balik ngan doktor. Dalam pada tu saya amalkan jugak makan benda-benda lain macam kurma, jus tok guru (dalam tu kata ada habbatus sawda, madu, kismis, blablabla etc), susu kambing, pil minyak ikan, tempe.

Selain tu tengok-tengok jugak apa chinese/indian/jew punya amalan/makanan masa mengandung. Depa kan (secara generalnya) pandai. Mana yang elok (dan halal) mungkin la boleh tiru. Teringin nak try bird's nest...tapi tak tau macam mana nak masak. Nak bezakan kualiti bird's nest pun tak tau camne. Ada pulak orang cakap jangan selamba-selamba makan bird's nest, takut tak asli, banyak processed chemicals. Ada yang kata kalau makan, nanti over sensitive pulak kulit budak tu. Mungkin kena makan seminggu sekali aje kot. Ada antara korang yang pernah try?

Whatever pun saya percaya pada konsep Wasatiah. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing!

Ok dah byk membebel. Nanti bila2 saya upload video Kiddo wave hello to Bapak & Omak.

a new journey begins

Wow, March now. Mid March.

How time flies by, eh?

Looking back at last year, last i blogged about my life, I was struggling with all-day nausea, terrible hair loss, fatigue. Thanks for the microprolactinoma prescription drugs I've been taking.

Looking back again, I was struggling with my self-induced worry/stress about my biological clock. I remember buying home pregnancy test in multi-packets, testing if i were pregnant month after month. Of course only to get even more upset when the tests turned out negative. I remember trying almost every petua on what to eat, what to do, what Not to do. To the point that i think it annoyed the Man. And of course, I was sort of annoyed as well when he always answers back with, "no worries!" when i showed him the negative results. While i know that he's in no rush to have children and doesn't want me to be pressured into pregnancy, it seems to me at that time as if my concerns were not adressed. haha. Well yeah, i'm the emotional one la I admit.

And it took a tumor in the head to let it all go. Well not saying that I gave up trying for a baby, it's just that there's something else to, erm, blame. And nothing beats a tumor, eh? Nobody would talk back regarding tumors, not even me. I mean, what do you say to the answer of "kenapa belum ada baby, tgh planning ke?" question: "tak lah..ada tumor dalam kepala". hahaha of course terdiam kan? Hebat sungguh Allah.

So Hubster came back for good. And so the friction/gaduh-gaduh period came and went, life went on as usual. Usual for me meant the above nausea and fatigue and hairloss.

I was a week late in January, when i saw one last piece of the home pregnany test i bought months before. Husband was out running. Contemplated for a few seconds and i said to myself, "What the heck, just finish it off. It's goind to show -ve anyway." And it did. It showed only one line. And you know what? I wasn't even disappointed. Because i have let it go. So i dismissed it, thinking it's one of the effects of the drugs I was taking.

Then came another week, which got me worried. I'm not a fan of pimples, which had started to sprout across the forehead. I wanted to blame the drugs again, but I just had to make sure. Who would want to live the rest of the year with pimples? Not me. Dont like..

So a visit to the 'favourite' gynae, I had. He asked, do you think or feel pregnant? Is your husband around? Is he back for good? To the risk of being lectured I told him I did a home test, which was negative.  Told him although I could be pregnant under normal circumstances, but maybe the drugs hindered the process.

Ok, he gave me that 'look' for sure. As if I'm the expert, that look says. He had me on a blood test..

Apparently the drugs fooled the home test kit with the levels of HcG. Or maybe the kit expired or damaged, lama sgt dalam fridge. The doc phoned me from his office to tell me ,

"there's a likely possibility that you are indeed pregnant".

I was on the escalator baru balik lunch, he told me to come in later that week for a scan. It took me a while to digest it, sebab kind of tak ingat pun that I was supposed to know the blood test's results that day.

In the elevator the good doc's voice played over and over. Adakah aku patut rasa excited? A likely possibility? Tapi lama-lama macam tersenyum sorang-sorang pulak. Sampai office, went to the husband and told him ala-ala casual la, Hey so the doc said i might be pregnant. Tapi tak tahan senyum-senyum jugak la sikit. And the Husband's response?

"OK. Dont get too excited now"

Yeah I know, sounds cold eh. Agak terasa dampen gak la time tu. Huh! But he's just looking out for me, he knows I cant handle this thing called hope. Either that, or he himself is still traumatised by our loss last year. Well I do think he secretly smiles to himself tapi tak tunjuk kat orang. *love you baby*

So.....that's a few months ago. That explains the writing hiatus eh? I wanted to only share the first few intimate months with the husband. Mebbe it's the cautiousness in us. Tak nak excited sgt dulu takut tak jadi...lagi. Orang tua-tua kata takyah hebah kalau awal-awal. OK, ikut je. But I still avoid the middle cubicle in the office toilet sampai sekarang sebab situ la tumpah darah masa miscarriage dulu. Seriau.

Now into the 2nd trimester. Alhamdulillah no extreme expulsion to things, well, only tuna & oranges, but so far food/makan-wise ok lah. Back pains..check, fatigue/muntah/pening/nausea..check, mood swings...erm, maaaaaybe laaahhh (The Husband knows). Hihihi. Cravings...erm..so far takde yang pelik-pelik nak daging harimau or petai gunung or whatever la alhamdulillah. I guess I'm one of those who'll get HUMUNGOUS during pregnancy, because i've started showing into the 3rd month! *shudder*. Now boleh la nak sambung blogging/ranting about pregnancy, baby, and whatever. I'll put up pics of the scans later. Oh, and i will need to prepare lists of stuff to prepare for the kid. Haha. Rasa kelakar referring to the baby The Kid.

Kesimpulannya, Allah tahu apa, siapa, bila, di mana yang terbaik untuk kita. I believe that. And I believe that this child growing inside is the best for it's mummy and daddy.

We love you Kiddo!